More beach…this photo is even more difficult for me to post!
Regaining My Dreams
Amy. 21. Wild dreamer,hippie hopeful, lost and broken, art lover of all kinds. Bipolar disorder, anxiety, panic disorder, type 1 diabetes, in recovery from diabulimia and EDNOS a- I categorize them separately because the EDNOS is my restrict/binge/over exercise/whatever cycle. Also trying to recover from self harm and suicidal ideation in it's many demon forms. Been in inpatient/residential treatment for my eating disorder for 3 months last year, and am currently in PHP treatment for my mental illnesses. I get lost in my dreams and nightmares sometimes, in the poetry of light and dark and imagination. The Fairy Realms call my name. I'm not sane-but what is sane anyways? I know that my God is mighty to save :) Please ask me if you have any questions or just want to talk. I would love to get to know anyone and to help in anyway that I can. This blog may be triggering at times, I try not to be but I can't catch everything and I don't want to censor myself completely- I need a place where I can be free.
Do the next right thing. <3 Amy
My face We Are Diabetes
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April12012
11PM
I went to the beach today. Major, major challenge. Please don’t call me fat. You won’t be telling me anything I don’t already think. Plus, I’m not fat. I’m not thin, no. But I’m strong, and I ate an ice cream cone, and I wore a bikini even though I’ve gained 20 pounds. I need to stop hating my body
12AM
Tomorrow is going to be really hard. I’m going to the beach for my mom’s birthday. Bikini time…for the first time since I’ve been in recovery and gained weight.
I meant to use my meal plan and follow tallies today but I failed miserably…My meal plan is supposed to be:
2 Protein
3 Milk
3 Fruit
2 Vegetable
7 Bread
4 Fat
1 Dessert
What I ACTUALLY had was:
1 1/2 Protein
2 Milk
1 Fruit
1 Vegetable
2 Bread
2 Fat
0 Dessert
The food I ate was:
Bran flakes with milk
Light yogurt
Roll w/ butter
Grilled chicken salad w/ cucumber dressing
Probably around 1000 calories in total? I don’t know. I feel weak and tired but yet when I look at my list it seems like a ton. But I mean the milk was nonfat, the yogurt was only 80 calories, and the salad had the lightest dressing possible and just a lot of veggies and the bit of chicken, not a bunch of added things. I don’t know. I think I’m obsessing.
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