Things are crazy at my treatment center. Which is pretty apt, right? Since it’s for us mentally ill. :p
At any rate, they just instated a ton of ridiculous rules about anything and everything, which is fine because I like rules, they make me feel safe. But they are going way overboard.
I spoke to the administrator today- not about the rules- and he was super condescending and like “If I didn’t have a good heart, I wouldn’t be so willing to help you since we don’t process your insurance and we’ve done everything for you” and so on and so forth. Which they have been helpful but saying that you have a good heart is not a really good way to show that you actually do have a good heart. And when I started this program, I had no idea that they didn’t take my insurance and were apparently doing me a huge favor ( which they kind of aren’t because it doesn’t cost them extra to have me there. At all.) Anyways, he made me feel stupid and I don’t want to be treated as second-rate because that was not my understanding when I started there, that they were doing a special favor for me.
We had a new patient today who I will call L, female, 51, and she is making me feel VERY uncomfortable, she is touchy and grabbed my necklace which I HATE and kept like touching me and I can’t stand it. Plus I just get a bad vibe from her and I have to trust my feelings. She’s really inappropriate in group as well, interrupting everyone and cursing and she was obviously under the influence of something. I know I sound judgmental but I have to trust my instincts. I also have to be flexible and respectful towards her so I need to try to accept even though I hate when people I don’t even know TOUCH ME!!!
So my anxiety levels are so high I can barely stand it due to the new rules and some of the staff’s attitude to me and this new patient who makes me feel sooo uncomfortable. I MAY call the therapist in a little bit because I feel literally sick with the anxiety and depression.
Also body image is REALLLLLLY bad but I am working on it.
So that’s what’s up with me for right now! I’m typing this while talking to my dad so I’m a little distracted. I miss him a lot and I know he’s depressed living alone in Baton Rouge.
Anyways, I am going to try to stop picking/pulling hair out for the rest of the night, take my insulin, and not take any extra pills. That will only make things worse. I also hope group tomorrow is better :/
Thank you for putting up with all this…have a lovely day and PLEASE SEND ASKS I am very triggered and sad and need to not act on it. :(